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There's a Script for 'The Fyre Festival Movie' Starring Leonardo DiCaprio

And now for your daily update in the slow-motion car crash that is Fyre Festival: if you're not up to speed, Ja Rule is being sued for $10 million dollars, the festival is trying to offer tickets for next year instead of refunds, and the leaked pitch deck reads like it was written by two stoners who sell dreamcatchers and jars of air at Burning Man. Naturally, the internet is not done yet with this orchard of inspiration with which to make quality content from. Enter Jordan VanDina, the scriptwriter behind Adult Swim's SuperMansion and Viceland's upcoming What Would Diplo Do.

VanDina tweeted the first pages of a 32-page script from his short, Lord of the Fyre. Well done to those who got that thinly veiled William Golding reference. The eclectic cast includes Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, magician David Blaine, and 'E from Entourage' who unite on the island with 'SMOKING HOT INSTAGRAM MODELS' for the beach bash to end all beach bashes. The script opens at Fyre Festival: "a barren wasteland of broken dreams and the empty promise of Instagram influencers. DiCaprio, 42, in rough shape like he hasn't had food or sex in hours, stares at his phone which has 2 percent battery left."

The story so far promises plenty of battery anxiety, with Leo telling a Bella Hadid-alike it might be better if they "Departed" post-coitus, and E from Entourage talking about Entourage. Leo's people weren't available for comment, because they're on the plane to the Bahamas for the first script reading.